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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23590282">My Favorite Place Is Inside Your Hug</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lopithecus/pseuds/Lopithecus'>Lopithecus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Frottage, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:01:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23590282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lopithecus/pseuds/Lopithecus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"'Eddie,' it’s Chimney who speaks this time but everyone’s voices still sound far away, as if they’re behind some kind of glass wall. 'Eddie, Hen and I need to check you out.'</i>
</p><p>
  <i>'Chim wait!' Bobby’s warning comes too late. Chimney touches Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie just reacts, swinging his elbow back and knocking Chimney in the nose. Chimney grunts, falling back onto his bottom, nose bleeding.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Hen lunges for Chimney while Buck lunges to grab a hold of Eddie again, forcibly tilting Eddie’s head down into his shoulder."</i>
</p><p>When Eddie gets stuck in a hole while trying to rescue a kid, he remembers Afghanistan and how many people were lost. Luckily he has Buck in his corner to help him get through the memories.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>602</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">

        <li>
          Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: 
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876065">【授权翻译】【9-1-1/Buddie】我最喜欢的地方在你的拥抱里</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_A_Y/pseuds/D_A_Y">D_A_Y</a>
        </li>


    </ul><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So… I wasn’t originally going to write this but then I couldn’t stop thinking about it and well… it was downhill from there.</p><p>Yes, I was inspired by the “Eddie Begins” episode for the whole falling into a well/hole ordeal. ;)</p><p>I hope you enjoy!</p><p>There's now a translation of this into Chinese! You can find it <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876065">here</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie isn’t exactly sure how he got into this predicament. One minute he’s helping a child out of a hole and the next, his harness is snapping and he’s falling right back into said hole. Luckily, he was close enough to the top that Hen and Chimney could grab the kid before he too fell back with Eddie but unlucky enough for Buck to not be fast enough to catch Eddie. So Eddie finds himself falling, feet first, and hitting his head on the sides of the hole. Thankfully he’s wearing his helmet. </p><p>He tries to brace himself for the impact of the ground but the hit to his head makes him dizzy for a few seconds and he lands haphazardly in the dirt, rolling onto his side with a pain-filled groan. He knew he should have let Buck come down instead.</p><p>“Eddie!” he hears Buck’s call but he’s too out of it to answer. Instead, he lies there for several seconds, waiting for the pain in his legs and head to go away. Except they don’t and suddenly he’s very concerned about his own well being. Eddie doesn’t think he’ll be able to get out on his own.</p><p>Struggling to roll onto his back, Eddie squints his eyes open. Buck and Bobby are peering down at him, concerned looks on their faces. He slowly raises a hand and gives them a thumbs up. “I’m okay.”</p><p>Buck is still frowning but Bobby steps out of view, saying something to Buck. “Do you think you’ll be able to harness yourself back up if I throw one down to you?” Buck asks and Eddie almost, <em> almost </em>, wants to laugh at the whole thing. Though he’s not even really sure what’s so funny about the situation. By the look on Buck’s face, the younger man doesn’t know either.</p><p>“I think I’m pretty banged up here, Buck.” He takes a deep breath and tries to sit up. It’s hard but he manages somehow. The exertion takes the wind out of him though and he’s left there panting. He’s probably got a couple of bruised ribs. “I don’t think I’m going to be doing much of anything.”</p><p>Buck’s frown deepens but he yells down to Eddie to hold on and then disappears. Eddie refrains from yelling up to him that he has nowhere to go. With a sigh, Eddie looks around. It’s dark and there’s not much to see but dirt. It reminds him of Afghanistan and a surprisingly very similar situation. Although, at the time, he wasn’t the one stuck and was the one doing the rescuing. Still, he might as well have been stuck with how much of a disaster that mission turned out. A lot of people had died. He almost died.</p><p>Taking a deep breath to try and calm his beating heart, Eddie lifts his hand from his aching side and looks at it. His glove is covered in blood. Eddie hadn’t even realized he’d gotten hurt that bad though he supposes that landing on rocks would do that. With a swallow that feels thick in his throat, he presses his hand back to his side. He’s starting to shake and his heart is racing. He knows what’s about to happen. He knows because he still wakes up screaming sometimes, with blood on his hands and gunshots ringing in his ears.</p><p>“Guys!” he calls, already feeling himself slip away. “I… I need to get out of here.” He’s gasping for breath by this point and shaking violently. There’s so much blood.</p><p>Buck’s voice sounds far away, muffled by sounds of explosions and screams. “Don’t worry, I’m going to come down and get you.”</p><p>Eddie blinks, trying to clear his head but the walls are closing in and people are dying around him. He closes his eyes tightly and presses into his wound, trying to ground himself back to reality. “It’s not real. It’s not happening,” he repeats over and over the mantra his therapist told him after he had come home from the war. “It’s…” he can’t breathe. All Eddie smells is blood.</p><p>Dirt clinks on top of his helmet and Eddie’s hands fly up to cover his head, hearing the resounding bang from an explosion overhead. He can hear someone yell to take cover and Eddie folds into himself, ignoring the pain in his side. Someone is saying his name. Touching him. Touching his face.</p><p>“Eddie!” Eddie blinks and there in front of him is Buck. He doesn’t know what he’s doing here.</p><p>“Buck?” But Buck can’t be here. He’s going to get killed. He’s going to get shot or blown up. He has to leave. “You have to-”</p><p>Buck is looking confused and he grabs a hold of Eddie’s shoulders, gripping tight. “Grab onto me.”</p><p>Eddie does as instructed without question, wrapping his arms around Buck’s shoulders and burying his face in the crook of his neck to drown out the sounds and sights. The extra harness that Buck is carrying doesn’t even register in Eddie’s mind.</p><p>They’re slowly pulled up, Buck’s hands firmly on Eddie’s waist to keep them steady. When their feet leave the ground, Buck grunts and shifts his hold to accommodate Eddie’s weight but he doesn’t complain. It doesn’t take Bobby and the others long to get the two up and out of the hole. Bobby and Chimney grab a hold of Buck and drag the two away from it, Eddie refusing to let go of Buck.</p><p>“Eddie,” Buck says soothingly, one hand on his back and the other on his helmet. Eddie feels like he’s suffocating and he keeps his face buried in Buck’s neck, hands gripping the back of Buck’s shirt tightly. </p><p>“Eddie,” it’s Chimney who speaks this time but everyone’s voices still sound far away, as if they’re behind some kind of glass wall. “Eddie, Hen and I need to check you out.”</p><p>“Chim wait!” Bobby’s warning comes too late. Chimney touches Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie just reacts, swinging his elbow back and knocking Chimney in the nose. Chimney grunts, falling back onto his bottom, nose bleeding.</p><p>Hen lunges for Chimney while Buck lunges to grab a hold of Eddie again, forcibly tilting Eddie’s head down into his shoulder. Eddie is shaking wildly and still gasping for breath. He reaches up to claw at his helmet. “I need… I need this off. I can’t… I can’t breathe. Buck, I can’t…”</p><p>“I’ve got it.” Buck helps him with his helmet, letting it fall to the ground with a muted thud. Buck’s hand immediately cards through Eddie’s sweat-drenched hair, massaging his head to calm him. “What’s going on?” Somehow, Eddie knows the question isn’t directed towards him so he doesn’t bother trying to answer. Instead, he lets himself be held tightly, slowly calming in Buck’s embrace.</p><p>Bobby is the one who answers, addressing the entire team. He’s sounding closer now, not so muffled. “I think he’s experiencing a PTSD episode.”</p><p>“PTSD?” Buck asks, hand still smoothing out Eddie’s hair. “He’s never shown signs before.”</p><p>He hears Bobby take a deep breath but Hen is the one that continues the conversation. “PTSD can manifest in different ways. Triggers could be a multitude of things. There’s no real answer on how it works. Something down there must have reminded him of something to cause…” she trails off for a beat and then, “I think he’s starting to come back. Eddie?” He hears her approach slowly. “Can you hear me?”</p><p>Eddie licks his lips, ignores the fact that his tongue grazes Buck’s skin, and nods. Shakily, he pulls back from Buck. “Yeah, yeah… I’m sorry.”</p><p>Hen gives him a reassuring smile. “No need to be sorry.” Her eyes skirt to his hands before going back to his face. “Can Chimney and I touch you? We need to look you over.”</p><p>That’s when Eddie realizes he’s still got a death grip on Buck’s shirt. He lets go quickly, clearing his throat. “Yeah.”</p><p>He sits there as he’s prodded, avoiding looking at Chimney and his already swollen nose. It turns out, the cut on his side is superficial and only requires a few bandages but no stitches. His mind had tricked him on how much blood had really been on his hand and suddenly he feels pretty embarrassed. When they’re done, Eddie finally looks up at Chimney.</p><p>“I’m sorry about your nose,” he apologizes as he gets up from the ground slowly.</p><p>Chimney shrugs. “I’ve had worse.” They both chuckle and Chimney pats him on the shoulder to show Eddie there are no hard feelings. “Come on, let’s get back. You look like you could use some rest.”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Eddie bends over to pick up his helmet and follows Chimney back to the firetruck, trying to ignore Buck’s eyes on him.</p><hr class="RedBackgroundPinkFlowersStems"/><p>At the end of their shift, Eddie sits in the locker room, already changed into his civilian clothes. Bobby had put him on light duty for the rest of the day and in normal circumstances, Eddie would have complained, but with the afternoon that he had, he was thankful for the consideration.</p><p>He startles slightly when someone knocks on the doorframe and he turns to see Buck standing there, peering into the room. “You okay?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Eddie stands and closes his locker door. Buck watches him for a brief second before nodding and turning away. Eddie stops him, panic clutching at his chest. “Buck, wait!” Buck stops and turns back to face him, eyebrows raised in question. “Do you want to come over tonight?” Eddie shrugs. “I’m going to have nightmares and I don’t want them to wake Christopher for the hundr-”</p><p>Buck cuts him off. “Yeah, sure. I get it.”</p><p>Eddie nods his thanks and follows Buck out. Of course, Buck understands. Afterall he is the one that had a ladder truck fall on top of him and survived a tsunami. They get into Eddie’s truck and he drives them to his house, already dreading having to put up a front in front of Christopher. He knows his son is smart and will most likely sense something is wrong, he always does, but Eddie hopes to hide most of it from him.</p><p>“Dad!” Christopher immediately goes up to Eddie as soon as he steps foot into the house and then beelines it to Buck once he realizes he’s there too, giving him a big hug.</p><p>“Hey Buddy!” Buck says enthusiastically and picks Christopher up, twirling him around. “Guess who’s going to make supper tonight?”</p><p>“Hopefully not Dad,” Christopher says and Eddie places a hand on his chest, mock hurt.</p><p>Buck is smiling wide and cheerfully, sucking in a breath from between his teeth. “You feeling alright from that burn, Eddie?”</p><p>“You two are cruel,” Eddie says goodnaturedly, chuckling.</p><p>Buck sets Christopher down and directs him to go finish his homework. “So, what do you want to eat?”</p><p>“You don’t have to do that,” Eddie informs him.</p><p>Buck shrugs, looking in the refrigerator. “I want to.”</p><p>Carla decides that’s the perfect time to show up in the kitchen. “Hey you two.”</p><p>Eddie looks at her disheveled form. “What happened to you?”</p><p>“Your son decided he wanted to play with the water guns.” She laughs, looking down at her damp shirt. “He’s a good aim.”</p><p>“Learned from the best, I’m sure,” Buck comments.</p><p>Eddie frowns. “I would never teach him that.”</p><p>Carla and Buck stare at Eddie for a few seconds before Buck speaks up. “Eddie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”</p><p>“It’s fine.” Eddie opens one of the pantries and reaches in to get a spaghetti box. “How about spaghetti? We can’t mess that up, can we?”</p><p>Buck is still frowning but he takes the box anyway. “<em> I </em> can’t mess it up. You on the other hand…”</p><p>Eddie rolls his eyes and relents, stepping away from the stove. “Thank you, Carla, for watching Christopher today.” He leans down and gives her a hug which she gladly embraces him in. He then turns back to Buck who has started to boil some water. “If you’re going to be insistent on making us supper, I’m going to go take a shower.” The only answer Eddie receives is a small nod. With a heavy sigh, he heads to the bathroom and takes a much needed hot shower.</p><p>Thankfully, during supper, Buck takes it upon himself to entertain Christopher. That leaves Eddie with the ability to sit there in mostly silence as the two of them chat enthusiastically, with Christopher only asking Eddie a couple questions here and there. When supper is done, Buck orders both him and Christopher to the living room and to fire up a game while Buck cleans up the dishes. Eddie tries to protest but Buck is hearing none of it.</p><p>Eddie lets Buck and Christopher play a game and instead chooses to sit back and watch. Buck throws Eddie a suspicious look but Eddie ignores him, lying his head back against the couch. Before he knows it, he is fast asleep.</p><p>Bombs are going off around him and people are screaming in pain. Eddie skids to a halt next to a man with one of his legs blown off. “Hold on. I’ve got you.” The man, John Shepard, grabs a hold of the front of his army jacket, pulling Eddie closer to him, struggling to talk. “Hold on,” Eddie says again. “Just hold on!”</p><p>“Eddie.” Eddie startles awake, taking a gulp of air as he sits up. One of Buck’s hands is on his shoulder while the other is held up in a calming gesture. “Hey, it’s okay. You were just dreaming.”</p><p>“Christopher?”</p><p>“I put him to bed about an hour ago,” Buck answers and Eddie allows his shoulders to relax. “You were fast asleep, man. I didn’t want to wake you.” Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He’s thankful for his friendship with Buck. He doesn’t know what he would do without him. </p><p>Eddie looks into Buck’s eyes, blinking tiredly. “Thanks.”</p><p>“It’s no problem.” Buck studies him, one hand still on Eddie’s shoulder. “Hey, come here.” Buck pulls Eddie into him, allowing Eddie to drop his head to his shoulder and bury his face in the crook where the neck meets the shoulder.</p><p>They stay like that for several minutes, Eddie soaking in Buck’s calming presence. Buck smells good. He smells like soap from his shower at the fire department but there’s still a hint of smoke and sweat. It was a hot day that has turned into a hot night and Eddie knows Buck runs warm. Eddie moves his head slightly, burrowing more into Buck to better smell him. He doesn’t know if he’s being discreet enough but somehow, Eddie really doesn’t care at the moment. He’s warm and comforting and Eddie wants to stay here for eternity.</p><p>“You tired?” Buck’s voice rumbles through him and Eddie nods against him. “Here.” Buck cups the back of Eddie’s head and neck, sliding down the couch so that the two of them are lying down, Eddie on top of Buck.</p><p>Eddie pushes up and looks down at Buck. Buck licks his lips, hands still on the back of Eddie’s head and neck. “Buck…” he swallows. “Don’t you think this is a little… awkward?”</p><p>Buck shrugs. “I’m just a friend trying to comfort another friend. That’s all.”</p><p>“Buck…” Eddie trails off, not knowing what to say. With a frustrated sigh, Eddie lowers his head to Buck’s chest, forehead pressing into him. “Buck… I…”</p><p>“It’s okay, Eddie.” Eddie looks back up and Buck gives him a small smile. There’s a twinkle in his eyes that Eddie doesn’t want to think about too closely.</p><p>“This is insane.”</p><p>“If it helps.” Buck shrugs again. “Why not? Come on.” Buck pulls at Eddie’s neck, encouraging him to lie down.</p><p>Heart hammering in his chest, Eddie complies and lowers his head once more, grazing his cheek against Buck’s. They had been on an eighteen hour shift so Buck hasn’t shaved yet. Both their stubbles scratch against the sides of their faces and, God, Eddie loves the feel of it. He’s breathing right into Buck’s ear, panting really, and he can feel Buck’s breath tickling the hair at the nape of his neck. Eddie can also feel how hard Buck is through his jeans. He’s not faring any better.</p><p>Licking his lips, he drags his cheek back up against Buck’s and stops when his mouth just barely skirts over Buck’s, their noses touching. “God, I want to kiss you,” he breathes, eyes shut.</p><p>The hand in his hair travels down and stops on his lower back. Buck massages Eddie’s neck and holds him tighter. “What’s stopping you?”</p><p>“You.”</p><p>With how close they are, Eddie can feel the confusion against his face. “Me?”</p><p>“I didn’t know if you…” With a frustrated breath, Eddie pulls back in order to see Buck’s face. It’s bright red, which he hadn’t been expecting but can’t help but chuckle at. “I didn’t think you…” he searches for the word and when love comes to his brain, he shies away from it. Instead he says, “felt the same.”</p><p>“You know, if you had asked me a couple months ago, I would have obliviously said that I didn’t,” Buck tells him. “But after everything…” Buck shakes his head. “With the lawsuit and you going to shady fight clubs,” Eddie rolls his eyes, “I’ve realized how much you mean to me. You and Christopher.” Once again, Eddie is rendered speechless, not knowing what to say. Slowly, a mischievous smile pulls at the sides of Buck’s mouth. “Are you going to kiss me now?”</p><p>With an amused huff, Eddie lowers himself until their mouths touch, kissing Buck softly. As hard as they both are at the moment, Eddie doesn’t think he can muster up the energy to do much more than that and thankfully, Buck seems to understand that because he’s the first one to pull away. Buck cards his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Do you want to stay here or go to bed?” Buck asks and then quickly adds, “To sleep! Nothing else.”</p><p>Eddie chuckles and lays his head back down on Buck’s shoulder. “I’m in love with you,” he mumbles softly.</p><p>He can feel the laugh that goes through Buck’s body by the way his shoulders shake. “What?” he asks, not having heard Eddie correctly.</p><p>“Here.” Eddie sighs, finally feeling more relaxed than he has in hours. He closes his eyes and snuggles closer. “I want to stay here.”</p><p>Buck kisses his temple and though Eddie knows they’ll have to talk about things in the morning, from his PTSD to what they are doing currently, at the moment he’s perfectly content to fall asleep in Buck’s arms where he knows he is safe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! I hope you all enjoyed it!</p><p>
  <a href="https://angelcamael.tumblr.com/">My Tumblr</a>
  <br/>
  <a href="https://lopithecusfanfiction.tumblr.com/">My Fanfiction Tumblr</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wasn’t going to write this but… well… the idea wouldn’t leave me and some of you wanted a continuation of this anyway.</p><p>I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Eddie wakes up early in the morning and for a split second, he’s confused about where he is. That is until his pillow, which is kind of hard under his head, shifts slightly. Then he remembers that his pillow is in fact not a pillow and that he had fallen asleep on top of Buck on the couch after he had kissed him. He doesn’t even really know how they managed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay</span>
  </em>
  <span> on the couch all through the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun is just barely peeking over the horizon with very little light shining through the curtains but that doesn’t stop it from being hot in the room. Buck is sticky with sweat underneath him and Eddie isn’t doing much better with sweat dripping down between his shoulder blades. He should move, wake Buck up so they both can get cleaned, but despite his muscles cramping from the awkward angle, he doesn’t really feel like doing that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of Buck’s hands is still placed lightly on his lower back with the other hanging off the side of the couch. His right leg is also off the couch, somehow subconsciously keeping the two balanced. Eddie’s left arm and left leg hang next to Buck’s, causing him to put his entire weight on him. His right arm is jammed between the couch cushion and Buck’s side, cutting off blood circulation and making his entire hand go numb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shifts as little as he possibly can but can’t help the groan that escapes his mouth from the pain that shoots up his back. He feels stiff from being in one position for too long and he tries to move again to get more comfortable but this time Buck’s breath hitches and he wakes up groggy. His right hand comes up and rubs one of his eyes, yawning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath, Buck stretches with his other arm. Eddie immediately misses the heavy weight of his hand on his back. “What time is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie glances over to where his cable box is sat under his TV. “Ten after six.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck places his hand back down on Eddie’s back, pushing up with his foot that is on the floor in order to adjust how they are on the couch. “Usually I sleep in more after a long shift.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to get Christopher ready for school in a bit,” he says but makes no move to get up. Buck’s hand is lightly scratching at his back, through his shirt. “Am I crushing you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck chuckles. “Not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You would tell me if I was, right?” Eddie asks, trying to lift some of his weight off Buck. When he does, Buck gives a small sigh of relief. “I’m not a woman, you know? I’m not going to be light.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I slept all through the night with you on top of me, Eddie, and was fine.” Buck slides his free hand behind his head, perching his head up at an angle to better look at Eddie. “How did we sleep through the night on this small couch of yours anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie groans and finally rolls off of Buck, deciding that being uncomfortable wins out. When he’s standing, he stretches out his arms above his head, feeling the rush of blood going back in his right hand and making it prickle. “Guess we were just tired.” He looks down at Buck who stays sprawled along his couch. “Come on, you need to take a shower. You can borrow some of my clothes”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wide smile appears on Buck’s face and he stretches out across the couch. Eddie rolls his eyes but can’t help smiling back. “What? You don’t like me glistening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re disgusting. Go take a shower,” he says as he shakes his head with amusement, walking away. “I’ll go make breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck leaps off the couch and jogs in front of him, holding out his hands to stop him. “Hold up, Diaz.” Eddie furrows his brows at the use of his last name. “You are not going to touch that oven, do you understand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My cooking isn’t that bad.” He can tell Buck is holding back a smile as he tilts his head, eyebrows twitching. Eddie rolls his eyes again. “Okay, so it is bad but I can make pancakes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shoves at Buck, walking past him. “Shut up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears Buck chuckle all the way to the bathroom, shutting the door gently to not wake Christopher. Eddie sighs and leans against the countertop as he listens to the water starting in the shower. He tries to not think about the fact that Buck is currently naked in his house or the inevitable conversation they are eventually going to have to have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not like Eddie doesn’t know he’s attracted to Buck or that he loves him. He knows that pretty well and though he freaked out a little bit when he first acknowledged it, he’s had plenty of time to come to terms with it. He just doesn’t know how to explain it all to Buck. Before Buck, Eddie never really did have time to explore his sexuality or really think about it that closely. He met Shannon when he was young, got married to her young, and then he went to war and had a kid. After that, when Shannon left, he was still technically married to her and so he refused to sleep or date anyone else in some deluded way of staying faithful. It would have been too complicated if he had started dating when he was still married anyway. He was content, maybe a little sexually frustrated, but getting by nonetheless. Then Shannon came back and all was good until she died.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took him a bit to get over her death but Eddie had Buck, at least when he wasn’t suing the city and the department. At some point, something changed. It wasn’t like it was love at first sight or, hell, attraction at first sight. It was when Buck started to act like a second dad to Christopher and Christopher started to love Buck that Eddie started to love him too. The attraction came after and he really doesn’t know if that makes him bisexual or something else, but what he does know is he wants Buck in his life, preferably forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Biting his bottom lip, Eddie pads over to the bathroom quietly, rapping on the closed door as lightly as possible to not wake Christopher but hard enough for Buck to hear over the stream of water. “Buck?” Eddie whispers, cracking the door open. It squeaks and Buck immediately pops his head out from the shower curtain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s cheeks flush red and he’s not even sure what he’s doing. “I have to take a shower too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I taking too long?” Buck asks, looking unsure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I was just thinking…” Dios, what is he doing? “Nevermind.” He quickly shuts the door and leans his back against it. Sweat drips down his temple and he’s already hard in his pants from just the thought of Buck in the shower. He groans inwardly in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Eddie is about to push off the door, it opens and he falls backward. Buck catches him awkwardly under the arms but not having expected Eddie to be right there, he stumbles back and almost trips himself. Somehow, he regains his footing and pushes Eddie back to a standing position. “Eddie, what the hell? Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Eddie swallows and wipes a hand along his forehead. He turns to face Buck and immediately regrets it because Buck is wearing nothing but a towel. Heat enters his cheeks again. “What are you doing? Why’s the water still running?” Eddie reaches over and shuts the shower off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs, grabbing a hold of the towel to stop it from falling. “I was going to come find you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To do what?” Eddie asks, his heart beginning to beat faster in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “I… don’t know.” He clears his throat. “What were you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie swallows thickly, struggling to keep his eyes trained on Buck’s eyes. “Just to,” he gestures towards Buck vaguely, “tell you to hurry up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck looks absolutely confused but doesn’t question him. “Okay… can I… can I get back to it then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He clears his throat again. “Sorry.” He backs up out of the bathroom and shuts the door. He stands there until he hears the water turn back on and then, with an embarrassed groan, he turns around and heads back into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dios, what was he thinking? They haven’t even talked about what is going on between them and Eddie was just about ready to join Buck in the shower. He’s gone insane. There’s no other explanation for it. Scrubbing a hand down his face roughly, Eddie groans in frustration once more. He’s got to get a hold of himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But even as he’s thinking it, he can’t get Buck in a towel out of his head and he’s still hard from the thought of water dripping down his naked body. Swallowing thickly, Eddie quickly makes a decision. Probably an impulsive and stupid decision, but a decision nonetheless. With a deep breath, Eddie waits for Buck to stride into the kitchen after his shower, one hand on the hem of the towel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck gestures behind him with his thumb in the direction of Eddie’s bedroom, eyebrows furrowed in question. “I thought you would have some clothes for me laid out by now.” He looks around the kitchen. “You weren’t attempting to make breakfast were you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie bites his bottom lip. Instead of answering Buck, he walks up to him and pats one of Buck’s shoulders. “Come on.” Buck follows behind him, wariness and bewilderment radiating off him. When they get into Eddie’s bedroom, Eddie shuts the door and pushes Buck up against it. “Eddie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.” Eddie presses his mouth against Buck’s hard, stepping up against the man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s hands come up and push at him gently, turning his head to avoid Eddie’s mouth. “Eddie, stop.” Eddie blinks in disappointment, sighing and taking a small step back. Buck hesitantly places his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, eyes darting over them before settling on Eddie’s eyes. “Okay… shouldn’t we talk first? A-And what about getting Christopher up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shrugs. “We’ll be fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck gapes at him. “I don’t think…” Buck takes a breath. “Eddie that’s not really how it works.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you?” Buck asks. “It’s not the same as with a woman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie nods. “So you’ve done this before then? Had sex with a man?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a small amused smirk on Buck’s face. “I’m guessing you haven’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie squirms, trying to step back up against Buck but Buck holds him back. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to Eddie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now.” Sighing, Buck finally lets him step closer and Eddie takes hold of the towel, slowly undoing it. “I just want to get off.” He lets the towel drop to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking down, Eddie isn’t exactly sure what he had been expecting to see. Buck’s penis looks like any other penis; thick and long and not that much different from Eddie’s. Buck is already half hard and it twitches slightly under Eddie’s scrutiny. Overall it’s pretty normal and Eddie isn’t exactly sure what to do from here. He half expected to have some kind of gay awakening at seeing Buck’s cock, to be practically drooling over the thing but in reality, no such thing happens. It’s just… a penis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck is watching him closely, anticipation playing along his face. Eddie doesn’t know what Buck wants him to do and he squirms under the gaze. Eventually, after several long seconds, he comes to a conclusion and drops down to his knees. Buck’s cock gives another interested twitch and Eddie watches it in a mix of fascination and disgust. With a swallow, Eddie grabs the base, completely anticipating leaning forward and taking it into his mouth, but then he halts, not being able to make himself move. Then all he can think about is how stupid he must look with his mouth hanging open and a dick in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie,” Buck says softly, one hand carding through Eddie’s hair. “Eddie stand up.” Eddie does as he’s told, cheeks on fire. “You don’t have to do that. Not if you’re not ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck’s words calm him down and Eddie hadn’t actually realized how on edge he was. Okay, so maybe he jumped the gun a bit. Maybe he wasn’t ready to go full on porn star with his best friend. “I want to… eventually,” he says, trying to reassure Buck and Eddie finds that it is the truth. He’s definitely interested and the disgust he felt earlier is already waning to more of a curiosity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck cups his cheek, making Eddie look at him. “You’ll get there. We’ll go slow, take our time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You?” Eddie chuckles. “Evan Buckley, is going to take it, what word did you use, slow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck is chuckling now too and it makes Eddie relax to hear his friend’s laugh. “When it’s important, I will, and this is important, Eddie.” Eddie doesn’t say anything. Buck is fishing for that conversation they need to have again but Eddie isn’t ready so he refuses to acknowledge anything at all. Buck’s lips thin in annoyance but he doesn’t say anything else about the subject and instead cups the back of Eddie’s head and pulls it down to his shoulder. With his other hand, he pulls Eddie even closer by the small of his back. “Like this.” Buck rolls his hips slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about my jeans?” Eddie asks, knowing they can’t be something comfortable to rut against.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck huffs a laugh. “Are you ready for them to be off? Or unzipped?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie thinks about it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinks about it, and in the end, he sighs in defeat. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought so.” Buck holds him tighter, rolling his hips again and making Eddie moan. “This is fine. I promise.” He cards his fingers through Eddie’s hair, squeezing the back of his head. “Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie rolls his hips as well and moans again, pleasure shooting up his back and down his legs. His jeans are tight, almost too tight, and he reaches down to grab Buck by the hips, pulling him impossibly closer. He buries his face into Buck’s shoulder more, already panting with arousal. “Buck…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it,” Buck encourages, breathing hard himself. He keeps a hand on Eddie’s head and a hand on Eddie’s lower back, hips moving along with him. Eddie can feel how hard Buck is now and his pants are way too tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on,” Eddie breaths, letting go of Buck’s waist and reaching for the zipper on his jeans. “Maybe…” He unbuttons and unzips his jeans, letting some of the pressure off his aching cock. When he lines up with Buck again and can feel him through his underwear, slotting right next to his own hard on, Eddie moans and almost comes right then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought,” Buck kisses his ear, “thought you weren’t ready for that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shakes his head, nipping at Buck’s shoulder. “I changed my mind. Dios, this feels good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck chuckles. “That’s the goal.” Eddie can feel Buck’s confident smirk against his ear. “You are humping a sex god.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie pulls back and makes sure Buck can see him roll his eyes. “Seriously?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck is laughing and though he tries really hard not to, Eddie smiles at him. Shaking his head in amusement, Eddie lies his head back down on Buck’s shoulder. He’s close now that the only thing separating them is the thin cloth of Eddie’s boxers. They rub up against each other frantically, panting hard. Buck grips Eddie’s hair, or as best as he can with how short it is, and his fingernails dig into Eddie’s back where Buck’s hand has slipped under his shirt. Eddie’s own grip on Buck’s waist is bruising and he wouldn’t be surprised if Buck ends up with some finger shaped black and blues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just that thought alone has Eddie coming first. He shudders in Buck’s grasp, gasping at the suddenness of it. A deep, guttural moan escapes from his lips and he pushes against Buck to get as close to him as possible. Buck’s grip has tightened and his head falls back against the door, body stiffening with his own release. It’s fucking hot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both stand there as their high dwindles, breathing hard. Eddie has his eyes closed, forehead pressed against the sweaty skin of Buck’s shoulder and Buck has his cheek lying against Eddie’s head. Slowly they come back to their senses and pull away from each other. Buck’s face is red and Eddie takes the time to look at the man in all his glory. He really is gorgeous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now I need another shower,” Buck says, breaking the silence between them. Eddie’s eyes dart up to meet Buck’s but he quickly lowers them back down to Buck’s chest, buttoning and zipping his jeans back up. He tries to not cringe at the feeling of his wet underwear. “Are you going to freak out on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie swallows. “Maybe.” He shakes his head, trying to clear it. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is why we should have had our conversation first.” There’s amusement in Buck’s voice which causes Eddie to look back at his eyes. There’s a twinkle in them and smirk playing at Buck’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie decides to not engage in Buck’s teasing and instead nudges the man away from the door. “Look, I'm going to go take a shower. You can take another one when you get home. I really do need to get Christopher up now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just another reason why we should have had that conversation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck,” Eddie says pointedly, opening the door just wide enough to let him out but not wide enough to show off Buck’s naked form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck holds up his hands in surrender but Eddie can see he’s struggling to not laugh. “Alright, I'll get dressed, get Christopher up, fed and ready for school. You go on and take your shower.” When Eddie goes to protest, Buck gives him a shooing gesture. “Go! Have your little mini freak out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie does as he’s told, shutting his bedroom door behind him. He gets into the shower, expecting to do exactly what Buck had suggested and freak out from the fact that he and Buck just got off from rubbing up against one another. Except he doesn't freak out once in there. He actually feels, surprisingly, good about the whole thing. In fact, he wouldn’t mind doing it again. Logically, he knows they’ll have to eventually do more than just hump each other but for now, he’s satisfied and excited by what they just did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He washes himself up quickly, almost feeling bad for making Buck get dressed when he clearly needed another shower. It’s too late now but that doesn’t stop Eddie from thinking about how he missed another opportunity to take a shower with Buck. Rolling his eyes at his own ridiculousness, Eddie steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around himself. He then goes back to his bedroom and puts on new clothes. When he finally makes it out to the dining room, Christopher is sat there eating pancakes while Buck is sat across from him, eating his own pancake and wearing Eddie’s clothes. They’re a little too small on him but hug him in the right spots and Eddie needs to stop that train of thought immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Buddy!” Eddie leans down and kisses Christopher on top of the head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodmorning,” Christopher replies, mouth full of pancake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie sits down where there is an unoccupied plate of pancakes, assuming they are for him. “Thanks for making these, Buck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was no problem.” Buck eyes him and Eddie avoids looking at him. “I’ve been thinking,” he starts. “I can bring Christopher to school and then I’ll come back here to…” Buck darts his eyes towards Christopher before looking back at Eddie. “You know. So we can… talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie sighs, knowing the tactic Buck is doing. If Eddie brought Christopher to school, then Eddie can just not return home. Buck would wait for hours before, hopefully, giving up and calling an Uber. If Buck brings Christopher to school, with Eddie’s truck since Buck’s Jeep isn’t here, then Eddie would have no choice but to stay home until Buck’s return. That is if Eddie didn’t Uber somewhere but he and Buck both know he wouldn’t do that. Not pointlessly at least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” he says and Buck nods. “Christopher, why don’t you go brush your teeth.” Christopher nods, not questioning Buck and Eddie’s conversation, and strides out of the room in the direction of the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck takes a deep breath and stands, picking up his and Christopher’s empty plates while Eddie begins eating. He stops in the doorway, looking back at Eddie. “You know, running away from our problems and feelings is what got us into messes in the past. The lawsuit, you fighting… I don’t want this time to be like those times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie glances up at Buck. “When did you get so wise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs. “I started paying attention.” With that, Buck exits the room, leaving Eddie to contemplate that.</span>
</p>
<hr class="RedBackgroundPinkFlowersStems"/><p>
  <span>It takes Buck an unfairly short amount of time to take Christopher to school. Usually, in L.A. traffic, it takes Eddie at least half an hour to get Christopher to school and then another half hour to get back home if that’s where he is headed. So he entirely expects to have at least an hour to himself to dread the conversation that he and Buck are going to have when the man returns. That’s why he’s so surprised when Buck is entering the house only forty-five minutes later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie raises his eyebrows at him. “Wow, you have to tell me what route you took to get Christopher to school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck smiles at him, pleased with the compliment, and Eddie practically melts at how innocent and happy the man looks. “I think I just got lucky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie smiles too because Buck’s smiles are contagious it seems. “Come on.” He waves him on. “If we are going to talk, we can at least do it somewhere comfortable.” They head into the living room and sit down on opposite sides of the couch, facing each other. “What do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck hesitates, thinking. “Let’s start with your PTSD and what happened to you yesterday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie scratches at his forehead, looking at the floor. He had hoped with all the other stuff going on between them, that Buck had forgotten about that. “I… don’t think I’m ready to talk about that.” He glances at Buck and sees his eyebrows are furrowed. He can’t tell if it’s in frustration, confusion, or concern. “Maybe someday, Buck, but not today. I can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly Buck nods, licking his lips. “Okay.” Buck studies him and Eddie can feel his cheeks heating up. “What’s going on between us, Eddie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we have to label it?” Eddie asks, increasingly feeling uncomfortable. He knows what he feels towards Buck, wishes he could tell him, but he’s never been good about opening up to people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck shrugs and takes a breath. “I… guess not but I think we should talk about where we go from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie bites his bottom lip, looks away briefly, and then catches Buck’s worried eyes again. “If you’re worried that all I want is sex, then you’re wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck visibly relaxes and Eddie tries to not be surprised that that was exactly what Buck thought was going to happen. “Then… what do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>want?” Eddie counters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This makes Buck laugh and a smile pulls at Eddie’s lips. “You can’t just ask me the same question without answering mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time it’s Eddie’s turn to shrug. “You’re the one who is more open with his feelings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you feel towards me, Buck?” Buck’s mouth closes from his amused grin and his entire face turns serious. Okay, so that was the wrong thing to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck stares at him, swallowing, but says nothing. He doesn’t have to. It’s written in his eyes and Eddie can read them perfectly. Buck feels the same way that Eddie feels towards him; a love that outshines any other love they’ve ever felt. And Eddie gets it. Neither of them are ready to actually say the words, too afraid that this… thing that is happening between them will end in painful heartbreak if they admit to such feelings towards each other. They both are guarded against it because, at the end of the day, they both have their own abandonment issues to deal with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie grabs a hold of Buck’s hand and squeezes it. “Me too,” he says with conviction and a little nod. This brings Buck’s smile back and it makes Eddie happy to see it and that he was the one to put it there. He shrugs nonchalantly, allowing a mischievous little smile to form on his face. “It helps that you’re hot too.” Buck’s smile slowly grows in strength. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to date a sex god?” Buck huffs in amusement, dipping his head and looking up at Eddie through his eyelashes. Eddie looks forward to what he is about to say next just to see what other reaction he can get out of the man. “And that sex god is me, by the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck tackles him to the couch and Eddie falls onto his back with Buck on top of him as Buck tries to tickle him into submission, both laughing happily.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m not entirely sure what sexuality I’m implying for Eddie. Buck is definitely bisexual in this fic and I usually consider Eddie to be bi as well but in this, I played around with it more. I feel as if he might come across more demisexual, maybe grey-asexual?? I don’t know. If you want, let me know your thoughts! I’m interested to know how you all interpreted it.</p><p>This time it really is the end. I really hope you all enjoyed this little fic! Thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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